Thug Snacks

Okay so I haven't done one of these in a while and there was a chance I would never do one of these again which is weird since my life is like a living circus where crazy stuff happens all the time, but without the peanuts or whatever kind of animal food they give people there. But today I figured, "hey, why not resurrect my blog from the shadow realm since I have a story to tell." And here we go! I just made the Internet cool again so let's get started...

       So gangstas..... we've all seen and encountered these special kinds of people before they don't tend to look like relatively happy people for some reason and they're not the kind of people you want to see while you're coming from Ihop at 5:00 in the morning with a bag. However we've all seen them. Either on tv, or your sister is probably dating one of these ruffians, or maybe you're one of those non-smiling people who like to sag and show everyone how you're color coordinated enough to match your draws with your Jordan's and show everyone how "fashionable" you are, which is cool but if you get butt fungus from sitting on the train or bus with your trend don't get mad bro! 

        Anyway these guys have a look and a certain image they have to maintain where ever they go; the tough, unapproachable/mad at the world, my dog just got hit by a bus oh the humanity look, they just gotta look mad at all times! Makes sense though if you're trying to intimidate someone you can't keep smiling all the time that's thug 101! There are certain things you should and should not do but the gangsta or "G" I saw today clearly had no idea what he was doing which brings us to my story! 

        I go pick up my little sister almost everyday she's in the 5th grade so I walk her home. Today I go there and the kids are on a trip so some of us have to wait outside for them to come back, that's where I see this guy. He's standing there pants on the ground and with an attitude because he has to wait to pick up whoever. While he's waiting he goes to the ice cream truck, gets a cone, and stands outside trying not to eat it like a normal person cause he's standing there the whole time licking the ice cream but every time he does he's looking up with the meanest look on his face grilling everyone like he's got something hidden in the shadows waiting for the person who happens to run up on him and tries to snatch it out his hand. To me that's the most hilarious thing I've ever saw in my life and while I'm there I'm trying not to look at him because he looks freakin ridiculous! 

       You're at an elementary school looking like you just got out of solitary confinement for stabbing someone and you're licking a rainbow sprinkled ice cream cone trying to look like you don't enjoy it? I swear he looked like he was ready to pop a cap in somebodies kneecap if they tried to take it away, which made it even more funny! He destroyed his whole image the second he bought it. You can't look cool licking an ice cream cone especially one that has rainbow sprinkles on it! The sprinkles are supposed to make you happy and you're sitting there looking like you're trying to fight the effects which makes no sense; it makes you look dumb. I don't know who gave him his diploma in thuganomics because it didn't look like he deserved it at all! 

     Thing is if you're a G and want to eat something get some food that will make you look cool while you're eating it, go get some pretzel sticks so it looks like you're smoking a cigar while you suck the salt off of it, get some cheez doodles so you can look like you have an attitude while you're chewing it, or if you're a blood go get a cherry flavored spice girls lollipop and put it to the side of your mouth that way when you're done with it you're mouth will be all red and you can show people how down for your set you are when you open your mouth but don't stand posted up at an elementary school licking on a rainbow sprinkled ice cream cone! It doesn't matter how many times you look up to give mean dirty looks to people in between licks or how low your pants are you look stupid! 

      G's are supposed to intimidate you and have you thinking they're about to do something to you like they're going to shoot, stab or rob you or they're blood and they're gonna throw red glitter in your face whatever it is they're supposed to make it look like something unpleasant will happen to you by being around them but that guy obviously didn't study the handbook. 

      It's okay though I'm glad he was a thug noob or a toob as I'd like to call him because that made my whole day and it  just shows not everybody is good at everything practice makes perfect no matter what it is what you do or what you try to do! 

                                             

Note: I do not support nor do I condone the practice of gangsterisms. The last paragraph was meant for anything so practice something good! :D

                                                    - Gspar

New Rare Disease Destroying Society!

          Yes its true there is a new disease that apparently has emerged and is effecting a lot of people, actually its not new but I thought I would bring this up cause it seems to have escalated and is taking over not only my house but a whole bunch of houses all over the world! Now I know most of you are thinking to yourself pshhhhh yeah whatever why should I care its not like I'm gonna catch this virus or lol I don't have no deficiencies XD I take my senzu beans, my flintstone vitamins and my hyper potions I'm good right? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McAeQiLmEYU you couldn't be more mistaken I'm afraid there is no amount of Robitussin that can cure you from "Relinquere Apertum Ostium Deficiency"
           Now some of you are probably scratching your heads saying to yourself what the furby is Relinquere Apertum Ostium Deficiency and how could this potentially destroy my sanity? well its quite simple in layman's terms it translates to "leaving the door open!" now you all know what I mean by that how many times have you been in your room minding your own business and then all of a sudden some reekazoid decides to barge in for whatever reason and then leaves the room WITHOUT CLOSING THE SMURFIN DOOR? now I know I'm not the only one who has been in that unfortunate situation and as bad as that is there is in fact something worse in addition to someone leaving the room door open. Curious to know what this act of treason is? okay picture this someone walks into your room opens YOUR closet for no reason and leaves it open! and then have the jerkface walk out and leave your room door open as well  http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=9084514 O_O
           I know I know, as frightening as that sounds this actually happens in my house almost everyday this is Relinquere Apertum Ostium Deficiency at its absolute worst! only people with a severe case of this disease can actually perform this act of smurfsphemy! its very sad because this habit of leaving the door open with out closing it might actually be some type of genetic disorder that prevents certain people with the common sense to shut the door before they exit a room or it could be a virus like I said before either way its a problem did you know that 80% of people on this planet had this happen to them in their life? and if for some reason you didn't have this happen to you you're most likely the grimer who keeps doing these ridiculous things? yeah its not cool man not cool at all -_-
         For the people who either realized after reading this HEY I know someone who contains this jerk syndrome! and for some reason doesn't have the ability to shut the door when they leave a room or if you realized  you're the poor unfortunate soul who ruins peoples lives by keeping the door open all I have to say is you're so lucky God didn't make that a commandment in the New Testament you guys got off SO easy so I think you should pray like right now.................................................................................................................................................I bet you didn't even do it too smsh! anyway for you dropners (door openers for you people who lack fastness) I suggest you seek counseling, therapy or even look for vaccinations to try and get through your mental incapacitation its okay guys its not your fault...well actually it is but I'm positive your faulty chromosomes one day won't ruin the lives of us normal people with your constant refusal to shut the door with that said Merry Good Saturday Guys :D
                                                                                                                                                                                 

Unexpected Arrival

*WARNING THIS BLOG DOES NOT CONTAIN AN OUNCE OF HUMOR IN IT SO IF YOU DONT LIKE READING THINGS THAT ARE SERIOUS OR ARE EASILY OFFENDED OR AN OVERY EMOTIONAL AND SENSITIVE PERSON DONT READ THIS BLOG AND WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE I DO!*                                               

Have you ever bumped into someone you haven't seen in what seems like forever? and then all of a sudden all of those feelings you were trying not to have in the first place just all of a sudden comeback? It was weird because I'll be the first one to admit that when I get the chance to go outside I try to avoid people I know. I don't really want anything to do with anybody that's why I cut ties with people, I sever bonds, they forget me and I forget them and that's it I'm happy! they're happy! and the world is a better place. That's who I am and who I've always wanted to be. I don't get attached to people and have always hated when people get attached to me! That's not very wise considering the fact that I'm a  loner.                                  

As quick as I make friends I can cut them off even quicker and just forget that person ever existed. I don't give people the chance to get to really know me and I have to say I'm somewhat shocked when people consider me a friend and a "bro" I've gotten used to it though because in the end I know you'll either walk out of my life or get kicked out by me if you try and stick around for too long you'll either get hurt or and and as for me I couldn't care less thats one reason why I was extremely happy to get sick and stay out of contact with people! Now that I've shed a little bit of light as to what kind of person I am lets gets back to the whole point of why I decided to do this blog in the first place, feelings that just came out of nowhere! I've only ever wanted to change who I was for 4 people. How ever, I wont get into all these stories about all these girls because you guys don't need that information, let's just focus on one.                                                     

Seeing her again actually made me regret for a split second the choices I've made and who I was. The second I seen her all the feelings I was trying not to have for her seemed to come rushing back and I remembered how hard I tried to push her away. I realized how successful I was in what I was trying to accomplish seeing her with someone else! Pushing her away, trying to make it seem like I didn't care and leaving her life so she could fall for someone else. I never realized how good I was at this until I saw them together and at that moment all I thought about was missed opportunities and that 1% of regret that I had that quickly fell to 0 when I realized I'm better off this way.                                                            

It's true that I'm not happy but I'm satisfied and I'm okay with that! I don't believe in love on this earth because I've only seen it in God and not people, which is okay because I wouldn't want love from anybody on this earth anyway. You can't get married or be in a relationship when you don't believe or even hate love on this earth which of course is what I do. With that said I'm satisfied with how things are and that's good enough for me...

Fun at the Gym

So I happened to get up this morning due to extreme boredom and I decided hey since I'm not doing anything at 5am why not get up and go to the gym and lay the smackdown on some machines cause I had no smurfin thing to do this morning so I got up and went to go workout. Now I know some of you are saying whaaaaaatttt?!?!?! All that stuff that's wrong with you why in furbys name would you decide to go to the gym in your condition? Why not eat a box of vanilla wafers and watch a pup named scooby doo isn't that better for you? Well as awesome as that sounds my vanilla wafers box is half way done and scooby doo doesn't start until 9:30 in case you reekazoids didn't know :P I already have to pay for what I did so let's not stoop to I told you so's people and just listen to the story lol. Okay so anyone whose ever been to the gym should know what to expect in case you never been to one before I'm about to break down the people you'll run into! There's the yoga/dance people in the back listening to techno or some other type of gibberish, there's the old people on cardio machines who you pray won't have a heart attack on the treadmill, there's the people who were trained by batman who jump around and do a whole bunch of crazy flips and odd spiderman type workouts, the soldier soldier injected people who lift weights and go like GRAHHHHHHHH! RAHHHHHHHHHH! HURAHHHHHHHHH! Or some other constipated sounding screams when they lift weights and then get up and look to see if people were looking at them all amazed lol and then there's my kind, the people who come to work out, leave and don't care what anybody else is doing cause honestly why the mcnugget should I give a hamburglar what your doing? Pshhhhhh I came to level up myself watching you won't fill up my experience bar so I'm not gonna sit and spectate like the other group of people you might see. So there you go that's your encyclopedia for people who lurk in the gym lol okay so while I was on the treadmill (I know I shouldn't have went on it pay attention to the story -_-) I was listening to some music and looking at the time like I always do and then all of a second I felt a bunch of beady eyes staring at me so I look up and BAM there were 2 African American steroid Shrek looking people staring at me while I'm on the treadmill. Since I'm a relatively quick thinker and have the ability to process situations think about every possible action and reaction and then come up with the best possible solutions in about 3 seconds I knew I had 3
Options 1. Jump off and run away 2. Kick both of them jump off and run away and 3. Ask them why the fudge monkey were they looking at me. Now while options 1 and 2 seem like the logical choice because they come with me still living to have another bowl of banana pudding (MY BANANA PUDDING IS THE DOPEFRESHNESS BY THE WAY :D) the combination of not eating this morning and being sick made me go against my better judgment and pick option 3 lol but I didn't say it like that though I took one ear phone out and asked them can I help you with something? Then mini Shrek said we wanted to know what you're listening to so I told them
I'm listening to Diamond Dolls by the Chipettes because I love that song! its freakin awesome and I was half way through with it until I was interrupted -_- I guess they heard it cause my headphones are really loud. Then big shrek says that's not work out music son if your a man you gotta listen To some real man stuff............ Now I don't know how other people would feel but that annoyed me to the point where I had to stop the machine. I come to the gym to work out not Impress people with the soundtrack I listen to and that's exactly what I said to them too! I honestly don't care what music you like I work out to Christian music, the Chipmunks and whatever else I like! say what you want but if you were real men you wouldn't feel the need to come up and bother random people like kids who didn't reach puberty yet! NOW as soon as I said that I thought to myself what the tubby custard is wrong with me? Artie was right I have no filter from my brain to my mouth I'm gonna die these guys are gonna kill me and I'm gonna be dead :O Jesus I'll be there in about 45 seconds I hope you have my room ready cause I'm coming Lord! please tell my nanas I'm on my way Awww man no more bacon :( now while I was thinking that and getting prepared to high 5 Jesus in the next couple of seconds some old woman who was in the back screamed out Amen! You tell them baby don't let people judge you why are you bothering him leave the boy alone and I had to lol on the inside cause this lady was going crazy on these guys haha they look like they put steroids in their cereal and now they're getting screamed at by an old lady? HA! they eventually left though cause people started staring and that was the end of that lol this had to be one of the most interesting mornings I ever had and this all happened before 8:30 XD dont let nobody tell you what to do and don't try and change yourself to please other people that's how I feel if I want to work out to Phineas and Ferb, Rep Christ, Whip my Hair or the Duck Tales theme song I'm gonna do it cause I don't care what anybody thinks but Jesus! he's the only one that matters that's how I am and the only one who I'm gonna change myself for! With that said that was my epic morning I've had in a long time I came close to getting hulk smashed to death but I'm alive to blogasize, tweet and get high off the smell of banana pudding for another day thanks to Jesus and this old lady who likes to yell at people :D

Epic Foods!

Now I know I normally do one of these a week but I couldn't help myself cause I just did one of the best combinations I ever came up with! I mean sure it's not as good as the cheese burger banana pie or the quesadilla sundae or the glue crayon but it's still pretty smurfin epic :D now I know must of you stopped for a second to think to yourself wait hold up I know this guy didn't eat a crayon with glue on it and to that I have 3 responses 1. You clearly do not know me at all if you're asking yourself that 2. That's why I say I belong on fear factor, Ripleys believe it or not or at least the Disney Channel (I know that doesn't make sense but I thought I would include it anyway cause I like how you see the mouse ears when you look it up on the tv guide and 3. I'll do a blog on that some other time because as you all know I'm not one to get off topic :D so with that said I'll be sharing with all of you one of my awesome creations! Seeing as how I'm a professional food fusionist specialist and I find joy in mixing together exotic foods and stuff. Okay Haitian people and people who were fortunate enough to have someone sneak them some griot all know that Haitian food is the dopefreshness I mean come on that stuff totally reeks of awesomeness but although it rocks the party that rocks the body it can get a little boring sometimes. Having it all the time everyday isn't fun and I've been wracking my brain for years trying to figure out how to spice up the meals in the food kingdom until a light bulb went on today and I figured it out! What better food to combine with rice, meatballs and brown bean sauce then.............wait for it.................wait for it................CAPN CRUNCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I know what most of you are thinking and yes this discovery does surpass those magic machines in the bathroom that give you paper when you wave your hand in every possible way! Cap'n Crunch triples the epic value of pretty much every meal you could think of, it gives it that extra zing that catapults the taste and makes it 30 times awesomer making it a 6 flag meal :D some of you might be a bit spectacle about trying it but I can assure you that you will not get bubble guts or any other kind of rare painful viruses by adding cereal to your meal so you have absolutely nothing to worry about! I tried it and I'm still as perfectly sane as I was last week! So with that said I hope some of you will try it and to the people who won't have fun with your ham and cheese you squares lol Happy Fusions everyone!

Drinking and Driving

I Know I know I was supposed to have this blog ready since yesterday buuuuuuut unfortunately I didn't because I had nobody dial the wrong number and wake me up at 1am looking for some Caribbean guy. I wanted to use this blog to come clean even though most of you might have the sudden urge to chase me and try to beat me with sticks. To all of you violent to wilder beasts who love violence I just want to let you know that I know people who will sell me scripture rocks and you
Better believe I'll stick them all in a sock and beat you with the holy spirit :P Lady Bee please have my rocks on standby for me please lol with that said I'm ready to come clean. I have been drinking and driving and indadvertedly caused someone a lot of pain. I know I know, I messed up you don't have to tell me that what I did was stupid I feel bad enough as it is -_- but good did come out of this situation I am now wise in this area and can now teach others on how to avoid this situation. Remember people we go through situations for a reason all we can do is trust that God will see us through once we get ourself in some mess! when we do that we can have the confidence to continue the race even when we know we have no chance of finishing rainbow road in first place! I have to say that even though I'm nit mad at myself anymore it sucks did you ever try to play Mario Kart Wii and while you were winning decide to drink chocolate milk? It's crazy smh and to think I thought I was all that in a bottle of ranch dressing thinking I could look away on RAINBOW SMURFIN ROAD! to take some shots of nesquik and still win. I feel so ashamed of myself I not only fell off the edge I took down that stupid dragonsaur turtle Bowser down with me, don't get me wrong people I do feel kinda bad I cost him the race but you gotta understand he hit me with like 6 red shells I never seen 2nd place get so many of those in my life! I think he might be distantly related to my brother Brandon using cheat codes all the time and what not lol it's crazy but that's why I don't feel bad about making him lose he had it coming! Me coming in 5th place is what grinds my gears oh well at least I got to see people eat maggots with blood sauce and roaches on fear factor so I feel better :D with all that said I learned my lesson don't drink and drive it causes a lot of problems! if you absolutely need to get chocolate wasted please be responsible and pause first! Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed this I love you guys and merry driving everyone :D

MY FIRST BLOG!!!!!!!!

Yes it's true after months of procrastination I have finally decided to start blogacizing! This is my first blog so if it sucks remember I'm still a noob at this I just found out how to sign into this bloody thing at 4 in the smurfin morning so I clearly have a lot of learning to do. In case you asked yourself did he just say bloody? Yes I did I'm watching Harry Potter right now and I think some of their Britishness is Materializing through the television and taking over, not that I mind because English people are freakin awesome have you ever had English muffins before? I mean I haven't but the sound of a muffin that could speak English sounds pretty cool so I'm okay with using their slang. I mean come on it sounds way better then swag right? I mean I'd rather say what are you playing at you bender? God save the queen and all that palaver you bloody tart instead of saying swag but thats just me. Does anyone else think the word swag sounds like some kind of ancient fish that got extinct millions of years ago? no just me? Okay moving on. Seeing as how this is my first blog I guess I should just be generic and talk about what everyone else is probably talking about....sponges!..................................just kidding I wouldn't do a blog about sponges no disrespect to the sponges that inhabit this world I'm just saying that although I could do a really awesome blog about sponges I would prefer not to. If I offended any fans of a certain Sponge that resides in a pineapple in an aquatic community I would like to apologize right now and if Spongebob is reading this right now I would like to say yoooo what's smurfin buddy hey I don't have my drivers license yet either *HIGH 5* some of you guys are probably saying to yourself pshhhhhh he lives in water he can't read your blog they don't even have Internet :P I would like to address you smarty farts right now by saying nothing is impossible in this world, in a world where you can grow up in a hut and end up in a mansion, receive everlasting mercy and love from God and buy 12 smurfmungus cookies from Subway for 5 dollars I would say it's possible Spongebob could get wifi and stumble upon my writing. Okay back to the real reason why I'm writing this blog the New Year and a recap of the old year. This year I was really anxious to get over with! a lot of bad things happened towards the end that I really don't want to get into right now but I have to say that despite all the really negative things I had to go through all the falls, failures, mistakes and thing that happened beyond my control I can honestly say that God is amazing even when I'm not, even when I don't get why certain things happen to me and question why things are the way they are and start to regret stuff I always know that God is perfect and I couldn't be in better hands! This year wasn't easy but at least I'm still here and grateful that I got a chance to be here this day not everyone made it to see January 1st so I'm thankful for that as well as other things. This year I don't know what to expect but I can probably assume I'll get more people calling my phone early in the morning only to find that it was the wrong number -_- honestly that really franks my furter getting woken up TWICE by the same person who dialed the wrong number! It stinks buy hey if it wasn't for that I wouldn't be doing this blog so at least something good came from that act of treason. With all that said I think I'll wrap this up it was cool kaiokenning blogger and making it 20x awesomer (if you didn't get that reference *FACEPALM* google kaioken and find out how it works -_-) this was fun I really appreciate the fact that you spent time out of your life that you cant get back to read something I wrote. I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it and if you didn't please accept this smiley face as a token for your disappointment :D before I get off this I want to take the time out to send out some special I love you's to Daniel, Artie, Wanny, Brandon, and DJ EDIFIYAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! emphasis on the FIYAH!!!!!! lol I love all of you so much! way more then any of you know actually I miss you guys and just know that I wouldn't be anywhere right now if I didn't have you guys with me. Even if you don't see this I still wanted to let you guys know how much I love each of you! I actually have more people to shout out like My buddy Tim KNICKS!!!!!! And the best banana pudding maker in the universe in my opinion thats why it's my wallpaper on twitter still Lol Jose even though I hate you (lol insider) David even though he's stranded somewhere in the south my bro the Holden if ya smellllllll haha you know the rest man and Ms Stephanie Wednesday I mean Friday HOT POCKETS!!!!! :) I wasn't gonna exclude you guys I love you too :D I know I missed a bunch load of you people but keep in mind ive been doing this for about 2 hours and I think I brain damaged enough of you people as it is. So, with that said let me know what you thought about this and if I should do more! I love you guys thanks for reading this I wish you all a great year filled with cookies and ice cream and all that good stuff if your diabetic I'm sorry if your lactose intolerant whoops my bad if you hate everything just ignore my last statement completely MERRY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY! :D