Unexpected Arrival

*WARNING THIS BLOG DOES NOT CONTAIN AN OUNCE OF HUMOR IN IT SO IF YOU DONT LIKE READING THINGS THAT ARE SERIOUS OR ARE EASILY OFFENDED OR AN OVERY EMOTIONAL AND SENSITIVE PERSON DONT READ THIS BLOG AND WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE I DO!*                                               

Have you ever bumped into someone you haven't seen in what seems like forever? and then all of a sudden all of those feelings you were trying not to have in the first place just all of a sudden comeback? It was weird because I'll be the first one to admit that when I get the chance to go outside I try to avoid people I know. I don't really want anything to do with anybody that's why I cut ties with people, I sever bonds, they forget me and I forget them and that's it I'm happy! they're happy! and the world is a better place. That's who I am and who I've always wanted to be. I don't get attached to people and have always hated when people get attached to me! That's not very wise considering the fact that I'm a  loner.                                  

As quick as I make friends I can cut them off even quicker and just forget that person ever existed. I don't give people the chance to get to really know me and I have to say I'm somewhat shocked when people consider me a friend and a "bro" I've gotten used to it though because in the end I know you'll either walk out of my life or get kicked out by me if you try and stick around for too long you'll either get hurt or and and as for me I couldn't care less thats one reason why I was extremely happy to get sick and stay out of contact with people! Now that I've shed a little bit of light as to what kind of person I am lets gets back to the whole point of why I decided to do this blog in the first place, feelings that just came out of nowhere! I've only ever wanted to change who I was for 4 people. How ever, I wont get into all these stories about all these girls because you guys don't need that information, let's just focus on one.                                                     

Seeing her again actually made me regret for a split second the choices I've made and who I was. The second I seen her all the feelings I was trying not to have for her seemed to come rushing back and I remembered how hard I tried to push her away. I realized how successful I was in what I was trying to accomplish seeing her with someone else! Pushing her away, trying to make it seem like I didn't care and leaving her life so she could fall for someone else. I never realized how good I was at this until I saw them together and at that moment all I thought about was missed opportunities and that 1% of regret that I had that quickly fell to 0 when I realized I'm better off this way.                                                            

It's true that I'm not happy but I'm satisfied and I'm okay with that! I don't believe in love on this earth because I've only seen it in God and not people, which is okay because I wouldn't want love from anybody on this earth anyway. You can't get married or be in a relationship when you don't believe or even hate love on this earth which of course is what I do. With that said I'm satisfied with how things are and that's good enough for me...